


you’re the only one of you

by BuddysImpala



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Music, Panic Attack, Phillip is a good s/o, Phineas lets the reviews get to him more than anyone realizes, Taylor Swift - Freeform, barlyle - Freeform, lyrics, me! - Freeform, mr. bennett - Freeform, phineas needs a hug, you’re the only one of you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 09:36:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18657769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuddysImpala/pseuds/BuddysImpala
Summary: Phillip discovers that Phineas is hurt by bad reviews more than anyone ever realized.





	you’re the only one of you

**Author's Note:**

> Why, no, I have absolutely no idea where I got the title from 👀👀

From the time he was a child, Phineas had societal anxiety. Growing up homeless had put a damper on how he viewed himself, which followed him well into adulthood. Even though he now had everything he could ever want — fame,money, adoring friends and family, and a lover he adored — he was often left up wondering at night... what if it wasn’t enough?

What if they tired of him and left?

The only one who knew of these anxieties was Phillip, and even he didn’t know the true extent of them. He didn’t know that Phineas often laid awake alone at night, long after Phillip himself had drifted off, paralyzed by crippling self-doubt and fear. For all of his bravado during the day, despite how much he adored performing, he was terrified that he would wake up one day and it would all... disappear.

It wasn’t until the day P.T. and Phillip sat alone in their office, mulling over show reviews, that Phillip realized just how terrified his partner was.

Phillip was interrupted from his thoughts by a gasp, a hitch in his partner’s breath. Glancing up, he immediately noticed that Phineas’s knuckles were clutched a tight white, crinkling the newspaper he read.

The headline screamed of “dwindling audience numbers at the circus.”

Phillip initially rolled his eyes with a sigh. The article was, undoubtedly, written by one Mr. Bennett — a spiteful critic who often found pleasure in targeting the circus. He shook his head, about to return to his own stack of ratings, when he realized that Phineas wasn’t removing his eyes from the hateful words spilled in black ink.

“Phineas?” Phillip’s voice was soft, concerned.

“It’s not enough,” the ringmaster whispered.

“Pardon?”

The paper finally dropped from Phineas’s shaking hands.

“It’s not enough,” Phineas moaned. He shook his head, buried his face in his hands. “They hate it, they’re going to leave, they’re going to—“

“P.T., slow down.” Phillip stood from his desk and approached the ringmaster, eyes widening as the man flinched from his touch. “You know bad reviews don’t effect how much we all adore the circus. What makes this one any different?”

“Because it’s true!” Phineas cried.

“What? Phin—“

“The audience, they... haven’t been showing up like they used to. The numbers are slight now, but it’ll keep snowballing. The numbers, they’ll keep dropping, dropping, and—“

Phineas broke off with a panicked gasp and Phillip’s eyes widened as he realized his partner was swiftly falling into a panic attack. He took a seat beside Phineas and drew him in close, held tight as the man trembled in his arms. His alarm rose when he realized Phineas was crying actual tears into his shoulder.

Phillip clutched Phineas tight, his own heart thundering in his chest. It was a wonder the ringmaster himself couldn’t hear it, but he seemed trapped in his own little world. His eyes were screwed shut, gaspy whimpers escaping his lips.

Phillip took a deep breath, tried to focus. He stroked Phineas’s curls, massaged his scalp in a way he hoped was comforting, and pressed his lips to Phineas’s forehead. The ringmaster’s face was pink and Phillip’s lips lingered there, a light flutter against the older man’s skin.

“It’ll be all right. Please, Phin, deep breaths. I hate seeing you this way.”

In truth, though, Phillip had never quite seen Phineas this way. Not even after the fire that had almost claimed Phillip’s life. Phineas had been scared then, they both were, but he’d managed to keep it somewhat put together — in front of Phillip anyway. He had no way of knowing of the older man’s mental state when they were apart.

Phillip’s heart sank then, as he realized he had probably caused some of Phineas’s anxiety... and he had never even realized it.

Meanwhile, Phineas still clung to Phillip like a lifeline, but the violent shuddering and gasping seemed to have subsided. Phillip’s hand was still in the man’s silky soft hair, and he hoped it had helped Phineas refocus and calm down a little.

Phineas seemed a little more settled, but he did not move from his position, face tucked into Phillip’s shoulder. Gently, Phillip lifted his chin up.

“Better?” he murmured.

Phineas stared at Phillip a moment before his eyes flicked downwards, looking anywhere but at him. They only returned to Phillip’s face, slightly startled, as Phillip brushed their lips soft against each other.

When they pulled away, Phillip wiped the tears streaking Phineas’s cheek.

“What was that about?” he asked gently.

Phineas’s cheeks were still pink, though Phillip suspected it was from embarrassment now, not anxiety. For a moment, the ringmaster didn’t say a word.

“Please don’t let the critics determine your self worth, Phineas.”

Phineas scoffed, pulling away from his grasp. “Coming from you? Shocking.”

His words stung. Phillip tried to hide it, but Phineas didn’t miss the momentary hurt flashing in his eyes. His face fell in an instant.

“I’m sorry,” Phineas mumbled. “I didn’t mean it, Phil, I just—“

“That’s all right.” Phillip sighed heavily. “I just... hate to see you let the opinions of others affect you so much, Phineas. You don’t have to please everyone.”

At that, Phineas’s lips twitched just slightly. “You sound like my ex-wife.”

Phillip chuckled, and then fell silent, considering. He stared down at his hands for a moment before raising his eyes to meet Phineas’s.

“Do you know... why I gave up the drinking?”

Phineas blinked at him. “I assume it’s because you wanted to sober up.”

Phillip smiled. “Well, yes, but there was a reason beyond that.”

Phineas waited.

“It was because of you, Phin. You are... what makes me want to be a better man.”

For perhaps the first time in Phineas’s life, he was speechless. His lips parted, but no words came out.

Phillip reached out, took Phineas’s hand and ran his thumb along the knuckles. He brought the man’s hand up to his lips as he said, “You’re the only one of you, P.T. Barnum. Don’t let some silly critic with an obnoxious hat tell you otherwise.”

Phineas snorted. “His hat is obnoxious, isn’t it?”

Grinning, Phillip intertwined their fingers as he brought the ringmaster in for a kiss, sweet and slow.

“Perhaps you should write a review about it.”

Phineas’s eyes brightened as they pulled away, and he took Phillip off guard as he jumped to his feet.

“I’ll be right back!”

Phillip laughed, and he watched the man rush out of the tent with a broad smile on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are very much appreciated \o/


End file.
